Casual Encounters Requires Effort


Why Why Why is this so complicated? Based on my many efforts to find someone that I am compatible with via text, let alone my bed. I think I can shed some light on this topic. I am a 40-year-old married woman, and we sometimes dabble in the swinging lifestyle. I use the term dabble because more often then not it does not work out. I have posted ads on Craigslist in the past for a casual encounter, and now I post on Kinkyads to see what I can find. I have a man who allows me free reign to find a sexy male partner or FWB that I can have fun casual sex. I feel that this term means different things for both genders, and that is where the issue arises. I take that back; it means the same thing. However, men seem to have this notion that they can send a very and please hear me, VERY unsolicited dick picture and assume that a woman on the other side suddenly drops her panties and begs you to come over.

The very moment I mention that I am married and seeking a casual relationship, the tone of the text immediately shifts from the occasional, get to know you questions to an immediate assumption that I want to meet and “get my pussy pounded.”

I feel my mind bouncing all over as to how many rants I genuinely have about all of this! It all starts with a first impression, as I scroll through my dating apps, or as browse ads on kinkyads, I am so disgusted with the lack of effort in the picture selection men use! I mean do I want a dorky ass picture of the camera up your nose? Or one with an animal filter? Let me tell you one thing, NEVER – EVER does a woman want to see a picture of a man with dog ears, that will never make a woman fantasize about meeting you! Back to the dick pictures, please do not ever send one again unless she asks. The image of you sleeping with your dog pretty much implies you are just lazy. Your photo is your first impression, and you have 2 seconds to appeal to a woman before we are no longer interested.

Worse than the pictures is the utter lack of chivalry. I am not saying that you need to go on three dates and wine and dine us. But perhaps just like as if you were at a bar trying to get a girl to go home with you, you would most likely spend the evening turning on your charm, buy her a drink to help her be less nervous, put forth some forth effort to make her interested in you. The same rule still applies whether we want a night of sex or marriage. We want someone to be interested in who we are, not just our bodies.

Here is the biggest take away from all of this; you still have to put forth the effort. Look your best, smell your best, brush your teeth, be a gentleman and know that women are mental, we think, think, think, and all you have to do is get into our head. This is not rocket science!

I challenge all of you to put this into practice and see if maybe you get a little further than you probably are now if you are seeking a casual encounter.

Yours truly,


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